One Word

"I was so careful--I didn't allow sleepovers at anyone else's house, I didn't give them phones, I didn't hire babysitters...but my daughter was sexually violated in the 'safety' of her own bedroom. I had no idea this could happen between two sisters."

“The police didn’t file a report, because it was within the family, and they were ‘just kids’.”

Sibling sexual trauma and abuse lie far outside the usual paradigms of child sexual abuse, as far from "stranger danger" as we can get. It happens in the home, within the family, among children (Yates & Allardyce, 2023). Physical and emotional sibling abuse lie outside the familiar domestic violence image of a woman with a black eye. But a child whose sibling leaves bruises and laughs at them is just as much a victim of violence within the home.

If we don't name it, no one will fill in the blanks on their own. No one will think of “siblings”.

• Body safety messages that don’t name sibling touch won’t prevent unwanted sexual touch or physical wounds.

• Parents may have a hard time recognizing the signs of abusive sexual behavior toward a sibling, if they have never heard anyone link the concept of “siblings” with the concept of “abuse”.

• Survivors will think they are the only person this has ever happened to, and keep it to themselves.

• Systems won’t be prepared to respond to something they’ve never named or quantified. (See past blog, A Disaster with No Name) 

  
  

And that’s what makes one word–sibling–so powerful. 

We need to create bespoke response systems, therapeutic resources, longitudinal research and more, to fully address sibling sexual trauma and abuse. But let’s not miss what we can do right now, with the resources, people and organizations that already exist. Sometimes, all we have to do is put the word “sibling” in a sentence, or add a checkbox to a form. For a previously hidden tragedy, this creates the awareness that enables prevention, detection, and action. It creates the data needed to prepare systems to respond and services that are appropriate for this unique, family-wide trauma.

As a bonus, the word “sibling” is gender-inclusive. Which is vitally important, because the world also needs to recognize that sibling abuse can happen among children of any gender combination. 

What might adding One Word look like? It could be as simple as:

• Parents: "No one should touch you in a way that feels yucky or uncomfortable. Not your teachers, not your friends, not your Nana, not your siblings!" (or "sister" or "brother")

  
  

• Prevention education: "90% of child sexual abuse is committed by someone the child knows--a coach, a grandparent, a sibling."

  
  

• Mandatory reporter training: "If a child describes injury or inappropriate touch by another child--a babysitter, a classmate, a sibling--you must report it within 24 hours."

  
  

• Research, policing, child protection: "I noticed we don't have a checkbox for "sibling" in the perpetrator list. Could we add that?

  
  

• Medical, mental health screening: "Did you ever feel unsafe around any of your family members as a child--parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings?" 

  
  

One therapist who added the last question to his intake form had four clients mention sibling sexual abuse in their childhood, in the first month alone. 

The first and only population-wide survey measuring the prevalence of sibling sexual abuse didn't come from a dedicated study or a separate grant. It came from adding one word--one checkbox--to an already-funded nationwide survey on child sexual abuse in Australia.

Where can you add One Word?

Mathews et al; Child sexual abuse by different classes and types of perpetrator: Prevalence and trends from an Australian national survey, Child Abuse & Neglect, 2024

The One Word initiative is a collaboration between 5WAVES and SSTA Aware. Learn more at 5waves.org/one word.

From Silence to Strength: Healing from Sibling Sexual Assault as a Black Woman

My Story: Understanding How Family Trauma Connects to History

Author and Survivor, Wilson Shantae (she/her)

I never thought I would be able to talk about what happened between my brother and I. For a long time, I carried the shame and confusion alone. But over time, I began to understand that the abuse I experienced didn’t happen in isolation—it is connected to a legacy that goes back generations, all the way to slavery.

During slavery, Black families were deliberately broken apart. Enslaved people were denied protection from sexual violence, and family structures were constantly disrupted. Children were separated from their mothers, and exploitation was used as a tool of control. These acts of violence created trauma that didn’t end with emancipation; it passed down quietly, often in ways people couldn’t name.

My own experience is part of that story. Growing up, boundaries were blurred, and the trust that should exist in a family was complicated by patterns I now recognize as echoes of historical trauma. Survivors like me often internalize shame, feeling as if our pain is something we caused—but it’s not. Abuse is never the fault of the child; it is the legacy of broken systems that allowed violence to thrive for generations.

Sharing my story is part of my healing. I’ve learned that understanding the historical roots of family trauma doesn’t erase what happened, but it gives me context and compassion for myself. It helps me see that I am not alone, that this is part of a larger struggle, and that healing is possible. By speaking out, I hope to help others recognize that survival is not weakness, and that reclaiming our stories and bodies is an act of courage.

Breaking cycles of abuse begins with awareness, community support, and the radical act of saying: I will not carry this shame alone.

The Most Important Factor

Note: In this article, “parents” and “parental” includes biological parents, step-parents, foster and adoptive parents, and any partner or family member who lives in the same household and takes a caregiving role toward the child. 

“What is the most important factor in successful outcomes for children who have been sexually abused, and young people who have displayed harmful sexual behavior?”

What do you think: Cognitive behavioral therapy? Successful coordination between safeguarding and justice systems? Quality of training or years of experience for their therapists?

Although all of these are important and helpful, there is another thing that rises even higher: parental involvement and support. 

When I posed this question to a group of safeguarding social workers, I was pleased that most knew the answer right away. One of the attendees asked for the evidence to back up that claim, so I promised to pass it along. 

I appreciated the question, as I am also a person who wants to see the original research and evaluate the evidence for myself. So, for those who appreciate an academic deep dive, I would like to share the existing evidence that demonstrates the vital importance of parental support, for children and young people who have caused sexual harm or have been harmed.

Parental response to a child or adult survivor’s disclosure of sexual abuse is well-documented to have a profound effect on the victim. Responses such as denial, disbelief, minimization, or insufficient response (“shoving it under the rug”, for example) add additional trauma (Shaw 2007, Katz & Hamama 2015, Tener, Katz, Kaufmann 2021, Lewin et al 2023). Many survivors maintain that their parents’ response was at least as traumatic, if not more, than the sexually abusive acts themselves (Rowntree 2007, Lewin et al 2023). On the other hand, parental belief and robust support can have their own healing effects, in addition to enabling access to professional services (Welfare 2008, Lafleur 2009). The long-term effect of continued support has been less extensively examined, but accounts from both survivors and parents have indicated more positive outcomes when there is parental involvement and support (Welfare 2008, Lafleur 2009, VanToledo 2016, Langston 2021). 

Parental involvement has also been documented to improve outcomes for children with problematic sexual behavior (Welfare 2008, Silovsky 2018, Archer 2020). Treatment programs that involve the whole family are becoming preferable to “dishwasher treatment”; i.e. taking the child out of the family, “fixing” them, and then returning them (Harris, Lanni, Svendsen 2023). The difficulty and importance of family engagement in problematic sexual behavior treatment is emphasized in practice guidance for professionals (Sites & Widdifield 2020, Harris, Lanni, Svendsen 2023, Hanson 2024) and for caregivers (Silovsky 2009, Watts 2020, Kahn 2021).

Studies have also demonstrated rather low completion rates for community-based harmful sexual behavior treatment, ranging from 13% to 63% (Carpentier 2006, Barry et al 2017, Jenkins et al 2020, Shields 2020). This provides indirect evidence for the need for parental engagement, given the inherent dependence that children have on their parents and caregivers. Without parental cooperation in the form of consent, scheduling, transportation, and payment, most children cannot access professional services of any type. Parents often control access to supportive peers and adults. They are responsible for day-to-day supervision, enforcement of rules and boundaries, and emotional regulation. Parental attitudes, demeanor, and actions can be either retraumatizing or reassuring. If parents are aware of what the child is working on with a therapist, and especially if they are participating as well, parents can reinforce the lessons at home.  Their encouragement can help children persist through the unpleasant processes that are necessary for healing and progress. For better or for worse, by their presence or their absence, parents have an enduring impact on their children. 

However, as important as parental support is, for both harmed and harming children, sibling sexual trauma brings significant barriers to parents to provide that support. (Welfare 2008, Ward 2023, Westergren et al 2023) Maintaining emotional and physical safety, creating an environment that promotes healing for children who have been harmed, and supporting their other child to overcome problematic sexual behavior is simply not simultaneously possible all the time. The core dilemma presented by at least two children with intense yet conflicting needs is what makes sibling sexual trauma so unique and challenging. Although it can be sidestepped in literature focused on one child or the other, this is an ever-present conundrum for parents, who must face it in the midst of their own trauma and grief (Welfare 2008, Lafleur 2009, Westergren et al 2023, Lewin et al 2024). 

With parental support of children being so important, yet extremely difficult to carry out, it is vital to include parents in their children’s safety and recovery plans (Harris, Lanni, Svendsen 2023), and to find ways to support and guide parents through the traumatic aftermath of sibling sexual harm and abuse.