- Alice Perle
- 7 days ago
- 6 min read
Updated: 6 days ago
This blog is grounded in my lived experience of being in a long-term, heterosexual relationship. Troy and I have been married for 39 years, and this piece reflects the journey we have navigated together. It is not written with the intention to exclude anyone. No two survivor journeys are the same. Whether you are walking this path alone, with a partner, or alongside a community, your courage matters. No one must go through life feeling alone or unseen.

The Role of a Supportive Partner in Trauma Recovery
In the intricate journey of recovery and healing from trauma, the role of a supportive partner can often be the unsung melody in a survivor's symphony of healing. My journey, penned under the pseudonym Alice Perle in the memoir Resolve, is one such narrative, weaving the resilience of a survivor with the steadfast presence of my husband, Troy (also a pseudonym). Many readers of Resolve have remarked on Troy’s invaluable support throughout my path to healing and growth. This post is dedicated to exploring his perspective and contributions, presented during an event* where he and I took the spotlight to share our story.
Responding to Disclosure with Respect and Stability
Upon my disclosure, Troy’s initial reaction was both pivotal and empowering. We were in our 20s, and despite not possessing the awareness he now carries, he approached my disclosure with respect and acceptance, stating that it was an honour to be trusted with such significant information. He didn’t see the abuse as something to dramatically alter our daily life, but rather as a part of my history that required understanding and empathy.
Understanding Intimacy After Trauma
In the discussion about intimacy and whether the disclosure impacted how we moved forward, Troy candidly shared his early response in navigating the nuanced world of emotional and physical relationships with me. "When Alice disclosed to me, I just saw it as a fact, not as something I needed to take action on, or investigate with her or on her behalf," he expressed. "I just thought how brave she was to share this with me, something that she had been carrying silently. This thing, this wrong thing, happened to someone that I love and is part of my life."
He described life beyond disclosure as an ordinary routine filled with work, paying the bills and juggling family responsibilities, but with an awakening of sensitivity and a deeper understanding of what intimacy meant for both of us. It was a journey of learning, he recalled, a journey highlighted by his observation of my evolving understanding and reconstruction of personal boundaries.
It was early days, and I had a long way to go before I fully opened up about what had happened to me and began taking steps towards finding recovery.
A Partner’s Role in Sharing the Story
Troy’s support didn't stop at acknowledging my past. He encouraged my endeavours to be me in work, in life, as a parent, as an entrepreneur and a leader. In more recent times, he was there every step of the way once I shared with him that I was going to write my story, having once penned a vision to be a voice in the silent landscape of sibling sexual abuse.
Patiently and encouragingly, he witnessed me find my path forward, and backed me as I wrote the first words down on paper. He continued to support me as I wrote, researched, and healed for the next four years, through the dark times of recollection and bright times of finding what I could do about something now that I understood circumstances or myself better. He didn’t read any of the drafts but once Resolve was published and I recorded the narration for the audiobook, he learned more about me than he may have ever known, hearing my (our) story unfold.
Resolve became a project that symbolises hope and speaks on all aspects of sibling sexual abuse, a subject too often brushed under society’s carpet. Troy’s backing was not just emotional; he stood by every editorial decision I made, including the strategic choice of a pseudonym.
"As far as the pen name, if anything did happen legally, I don't really care," Troy declared. "I’d put everything up, because I see this as probably one of the most important things in Alice’s life. I just need to stand by her, to let Alice go through all the layers she already has and is still navigating – it doesn’t end with writing a book! I’ll back her whatever she decides to do."
Intimacy Coaching: Reclaiming Voice, Body and Joy
This past May was our first time sitting side-by-side on a Zoom call with 20 other participants to speak candidly in a safe forum. Both of us answered questions raised by fellow survivors, parents of survivors, and professionals.
I also invited another important guest to that conversation: Alexandra Shield, the intimacy coach who helped me reclaim my voice, body, and personal joy through her program My Voice, My Body, My Pleasure. In Chapter 11 of Resolve, "The Gift of Self-Love — Forget the Old Programs of Pleasure", I shared how I reached out to Alexandra once I had the epiphany that having been sexualised as a child could impact my adult experience of intimacy. It was an incredibly vulnerable section to write in Resolve, but I knew in my heart that if I’d experienced this, then I’m not the only one.
Piecing that together was tough, and I raged at the idea that my brother had callously taken away my sacred right to feel safe and at ease in moments of intimacy. No one talks to you about this stuff! Yet Alexandra reminded me, "It hasn’t been taken away from you." That’s where our few months of work together began.
Her approach emphasised working at the pace of one’s own heart and nervous system, highlighting the need for a survivor to tread their healing path on their own terms. This was a concept Troy fully embraced. He understood that acts of recovery are gradual and deeply personal. It begins with a readiness for change in ourselves first.
Troy is about us being in this together, knowing that my work around intimacy was needed by me, for me, first. He put no pressure on me to be more than I could be in any moment. He listened to my words and witnessed the transformations, both subtle and pronounced, in my journey back to my body and joy.
Walking Beside a Survivor: Compassion Over Perfection
Walking beside me on the long path from disclosure to releasing Resolve, Troy became not just a supporter but a silent warrior for change. He has stood in fierce protection of our small family, including our three daughters and granddaughter, in solidarity against unspoken norms, and with unwavering faith in justice and healing.
This blog shares just snippets of his affirmations, but they resonate deeply within our lives and the lives of those who read or listen to our story. The grace with which Troy has handled this aspect of our lives reflects a larger societal hope: may spouses, partners, family, friends, and communities realise the profound impact of supportive presence. It is not about "knowing" what to do, but about being there. Being present.
To the Silent Warriors — In All Their Forms
This post honours the partners, spouses, companions, and loved ones who choose presence over perfection. Whether you’re in a heterosexual or same-sex relationship, a co-parent, life partner, close friend, or chosen family member, your support matters.
It also honours those who walk this path without a partner beside them. To the solo survivors, those who chose to walk alone, who never found or never wanted a partner, who have turned inward to find strength, self-compassion, and peace: you, too, are silent warriors. You remind us that healing is, at its core, an inside-out journey. You may not always know the “right” thing to say to yourself or to others. But your willingness to listen, to honour your boundaries, to keep showing up for yourself, that is powerful.
To everyone walking beside survivors of sibling sexual trauma or walking as one: thank you. Your quiet strength, your listening heart, and your commitment to growing through complexity are often unseen, but deeply felt.
May we all continue shaping a world where disclosure is met with dignity, where healing is embraced at one’s own pace, and where no one is forgotten, overlooked, or truly alone.
*The conversation originally took place as part of the Blue Borage Conversation Café series. Learn more at www.blueborage.com.au/conversation-cafe-and-events