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Parents

 

You are not alone.  Start here for help, healing, and hope.

You are on a journey for which no parent could prepare, stumbling your way along with no signposts and no one to ask for directions.  This site won't give you the answers but hopefully it will shed a bit of light in front of you and help you find a few traveling companions.

Basically every page on this website is relevant for parents, particularly those who are supportive parents of both the child/ren who were harmed and the child/ren who caused the harm. Some material is aimed mainly at parents whose children are still growing up, but there is plenty that will be helpful for parents whose children are adults.  

If You Are a Parent Who Just Found Out

You are not alone.  Breathe.  You can survive this...

The following pages include information you may need right away.

  

Do I need to report to police or child protection (US)?

How do I know if this was normal childhood curiosity or abuse?

How do I know who to believe?

What can I say or do for the child who was harmed?

What can I say or do for the child who caused the harm?

How do I find therapy for my children and me?

How do I respond to child welfare workers and/or police?

How do I keep the kids separate from each other all of a sudden?

Do we need a lawyer?

 

How do I handle this if my children are already adults?

What's my role as a step-parent?

What's disclosure?

Who should I tell?

How do I keep everyone from finding out?

Why didn't my child tell me (sooner)?

Why did my child do this?

Will my child be a danger to society for life?

Is my child a pedophile?

 

My world is upside down. Am I going crazy?

How do I get through the day?

How do I handle being so terrified all the time?

 

Highly recommended resource: Healthy Families / Familias Sanas 

Book full of compassionate, realistic, need-to-know information for parents who have just discovered their child has sexual behavior problems.  

"I wish I had been given this on Day One." --Brandy Black

Listen to a 15 minute conversation with Timothy J Kahn, author of Healthy Families, in this

Safer Society Foundation Podcast

According to professionals who work with children recovering from sexual abuse, the most important factor in a child's ability to heal and thrive is having at least one parent who believes them, protects them, and supports them through actions such as listening, finding help, respecting their feelings and wishes.

Help for Parents Outside This Site

A Therapist Explains the Healing Process for the Whole Family: Siblings Too Podcast: A Family's Healing Journey  and Offenders, Survivors, and their Families with Brad Watts, LPC, CSOTP (50 min)

Information

Book: Sibling Sexual Abuse: A Guide for Confronting America's Silent Epidemic Brad Watts, LPC, CSOTP

Book: Understanding and Responding to Sibling Sexual Abuse based on UK Research, 2020-2022

Podcast: #SiblingsToo Nancy Morris MSc Applied Psychology

Sibling Sexual Abuse: A Guide for Parents - Canada.ca

Public Health Agency of Canada Online Booklet: Sibling Sexual Abuse: A Guide for Parents

 

Do Children Sexually Abuse Other Children?

 

Help for Parents of Children Who Have Been Sexually Abused by Family Members | RAINN

 

What Happens Now? Facing Sexual Behavior Problems with Your Child

Mothers of Sexually Abused Children comprehensive website

Support Groups

Facebook: Parents Coping with Sibling Sexual Trauma and Abuse (private group, must request to join)

Kkccares.org weekly call-in support group for parents of sibling sexual abuse, inc. parents whose children are now adults

Hearts of Healing online support group for parents of sibling sexual abuse on the dailystrength.org platform; not moderated 

Hidden Water Orange Circle support groups for caregivers of children who have experienced or caused sexual harm; based on a restorative justice model, available worldwide with or without participation of the children

For other friends and family: Empower Survivors moderated Facebook group, Friends and Family of those Sexually Abused as Children includes those supporting survivors of any type of child sexual abuse

Parents Share Their Stories of Sibling Sexual Trauma

A Mother's Perspective: Siblings Too Podcast, Conversation with Hope Sittler, a Parent Coping with Siblings Sexual Trauma, Part I (39 min) and Part II (36 min)

People Magazine Feature: One Mother Shares Her Story of Sibling Sexual Abuse in her Family with Hope Sittler of 5WAVES.org

Featured in the British Journal of Social Work: A Parent's Experience Working with Professionals Following Disclosure of Sibling Sexual Abuse/Trauma by 5WAVES cofounder Fiona Ward 

Book: Buried Saints by Brin Miller, a memoir centered on a family's story of sibling sexual abuse 

BBC File on 4 audio feature on sibling sexual abuse includes excerpts of a family's story, from the mother's perspective

Two mothers share their stories of hope and healing in this webinar for professionals (parents' stories at 25:00-45:00, webinar can be accessed after free registration), National Child Traumatic Stress Network

An anonymous mother shares her journey with kkccares.org:

What the First Year Felt Like for Me
Letter to Myself, Two Years Later

Guardians of the Village Gate is an audio blog hosted by a mother of sibling sexual trauma, featuring interviews with parents telling their stories of dealing with sibling sexual trauma and other types of child sexual abuse, professionals who have responded to sibling sexual trauma, and an in-depth account of her own story. Sample interviews available to listen, more available with subscription. Parents may contact host if they are interested in sharing their story. 

Stop It Now! Webinars

Dear Stop It Now Helpline... (all are actual questions, used with permission, webinars include discussion with Stop It Now staff and guest experts)

My Daughter Sexually Abused Her Sister

Is My Child a Pedophile?

My Adult Child Just Disclosed They Were Sexually Abused

My Son Just Kissed His Younger Sister

Am I An Abuser Because of My Sexual Behaviors As a Kid?

Nothing Has Happened...Yet.  How Do I Keep It That Way?

Can I Have Him Arrested? (appropriate responses when children age 12 and under display harmful sexual behavior)

The following publications are aimed at professionals but have plenty of critical information for parents:

The Advocate's Guide: Working With Parents Of Children Who Have Been Sexually Assaulted 

Sibling sexual abuse – Safeguarding Network

Sibling sexual abuse: A knowledge and practice overview 

Prevention

Tips for Parents from 5Waves.org

Resource List for Parents from 5Waves.org

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Listen Now: 

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