​ANONYMOUS, CONFIDENTIAL, TEXT OR VOICE
What is Sibling Sexual Trauma?
“Sibling sexual abuse is sexual contact between two siblings that is experienced by the survivor as traumatic.” Cora Haskins, 2003
The short answer:
Sibling sexual trauma (SST) is the effect of sexual behavior that:
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Happens between children who share the same parents and/or the same home
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Goes beyond age-appropriate mutual curiosity
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Causes emotional &/or physical harm ​
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According to the 2022 UK Sibling Sexual Abuse Project, there is no universally accepted definition of sibling sexual abuse (SSA), a more commonly-used term. The definition used for their project was harmful sexual behaviour, with a victimising intent or outcome, between children who self-identify as siblings.
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Read more about Words, Language, and Labels
Watch (45 minutes):
Excellent discussion of sibling sexual abuse, terms and attitudes associated with it, and insight into facing it in real life.
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Sexual trauma caused by cousins or other children is also unfortunately very common.
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Sometimes sexually abusive behavior toward a sibling continues into adulthood or begins in adulthood.
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Although this site does not specifically address these circumstances, the information provided may be helpful to those who are facing them.
Sibling sexual trauma or abuse can happen in any home.
Families of any size, type, culture, religion, or economic status can be affected. It can happen among biological siblings, step siblings or half siblings, adoptive or foster families, cousins or other children being raised together. It happens in families where there has been generational trauma or a history of domestic violence, and it also happens in families that appear even to parents to be healthy and happy. ​
Read more: Ordinary Families
Sibling sexual trauma may be hidden and hard to recognize.
Usually, one sibling is taking advantage of their power or position in the family. They may use bribery, threats or intimidation, or take advantage of a sibling's innocence and loyalty. But these can be subtle and hard to spot. The harm or power difference may not be obvious to parents or outsiders. It can be hard even for the children themselves to understand if what happened was "a big deal," or who is truly responsible and who was violated.
Read more: It's Not Your Fault!, It IS a Big Deal
Sibling sexual harm is common...but no one knows how common.
No one truly knows how many people are adversely affected by sibling sexual trauma. We know that most children do not talk about it when it happens. Some find a way to tell someone later in life, but there’s no way to know how many do not. And even fewer people’s stories are officially reported in a way that shows up in medical or crime data.
Read More: How Much Hasn't Been Discovered?
Every instance of sibling sexual trauma or abuse is unique.
Most often, an older brother violates his younger sister. But children of any gender and any age difference can cause harm, or be harmed*. It may involve or affect multiple children in the same family. Research suggests that abusive sexual behavior toward a sibling starts earlier, happens more frequently, and lasts longer than other types of child sexual abuse. But a single instance of a sibling's sexual behavior can still be traumatic. There is a huge range of possible ages, motivations, trauma responses, types of personal and family reactions. With so many factors at play, every experience of sibling sexual trauma is unique, both individually and for the family.
*For this reason, this site uses gender-neutral language, except for direct quotes of individual situations.
Read More: If You've Met One...
For info on statistics & research, see 5WAVES: What Do We Know?
Words, Language, Labels
If you have had a negative or confusing sexual experience, you have the right to use any words you choose to describe it. The right words for you may change over time as you go through various stages of healing. It is also normal to have a hard time finding words to describe your experience.
If you are listening to someone else describe their own experience, do not try to correct the language they are using. They are the one and only expert on their own experience, and they are using the best words they can find to describe it. Focus on giving them your attention, understanding and support.
Sibling Sexual Trauma (SST) is unique and complex. It defies common language, categories, and understanding around sexual abuse and assault. Sibling Sexual Abuse* (SSA) is a more commonly used term. Sibling Incest is another term that has been used. This site uses the term Sibling Sexual Trauma as a catch-all umbrella term, in keeping with Cora Haskins’ approach in her 2003 publication: “...sexual contact between two siblings that is experienced by the survivor as traumatic.”
The word "trauma" keeps the focus on the harm that was done, as determined by the person most affected by it. It does not depend on the intent or level of responsibility of the sibling who caused the harm*, and it does not depend on a legal definition of abuse. Still, it is far from perfect. It does not describe everyone's experience, and it cannot be logically applied to describe harmful or abusive behavior. So this site does include a variety of terms, in different contexts. Language is also changing as we learn more. At 5WAVES (host of this site) we continually grapple with our choice of words.
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For a discussion of some of the ways we consider language, see our blog: What to Call It: Words Matter
*For more on intent and responsibility, see our page: Why Do They Do It?
Glossary of Terms
"Words are everything."
anonymous adult survivor of SSA
This section defines and discusses some words that are often used, and/or misused, in the context of sibling sexual abuse, sibling sexual trauma, sibling incest, harmful or abusive sexual behavior toward a sibling. They are terms that you might never have thought about carefully before. (5WAVES are not lawyers, and these are not legal definitions. See our page on Finding a Lawyer for legal definitions specific to your circumstances.)
​Child Sexual Abuse (CSA): Any sexual behavior with a child too young to give consent, by a person with greater power or authority, or in a caregiving role. Child sexual abuse may include physical contact (sexual assault) but could also include other sexually-oriented behavior, such as taking, sharing, or viewing images, and sexual speech or teasing.
Most people think of adult sexual predators in the public as the main drivers of child sexual abuse. However, the most common place for children to be sexually abused is in a home. Nine out of ten people who cause sexual trauma are already known to the child. One in three incidents that are reported to police are cases of sexually abusive behavior by a family member. At least 30% of all reported sexual harm to children and teens is caused by another child or young person, rather than an adult. (Source: Darkness to Light, Statistics on Child Sexual Abuse)
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Child Who Harmed (CWH) or Child Who Caused Harm (CWCH): General term for a child or young person whose behavior has caused sexual harm, of any type or extent, to another child--in the case of this website, a sibling. The term "child" may also be used in relation to a parent, even if the person is now an adult.
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Person-first language such as "child who caused harm," "children and young people who have engaged in harmful sexual behaviour," or "adolescents who have displayed problematic sexual behavior" is currently preferred, rather than labels used in the past such as "adolescent sex offender" or "child sexual abuser". The goal is to correctly name the behavior and its impact, without defining children by labels that increase shame and emphasize behaviors that we are trying to help them move away from in the future.
"What we don’t want to do is to create a label for them and an identity for them
of a sexual abuser or of a sex offender. That’s what we don’t want them to be."
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Child Who Was Harmed (CWWH): General term for a child or young person who has experienced sexual activity which they did not want or were not able to legally consent, and/or which they experienced as harmful in any way and to any extent. The term "child" may also be used in relation to a parent, even if the person is now an adult.
Within the criminal legal system, children who were harmed are referred to as victims. Teens or adults are or have been sexually abused or assaulted may choose to refer to themselves as victims, survivors, thrivers, overcomers, and/or any other term that they feel best describes their current and past lived reality. (Listen to SiblingsToo Episode 14, Are You a Survivor? where host Nancy Morris explains her personal journey in choice of words to describe herself and the way she was affected by her brother's abusive sexual behavior. 17 minutes)​
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Harmful Sexual Behavior (HSB) or Problematic Sexual Behavior (PSB): Sexual behaviour by individuals under the age of 18 that is developmentally inappropriate and may be harmful towards self or others and/or be abusive towards another child, young person or adult
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According to guidance from the NSPCC in Britain, Harmful Sexual Behavior is a broad term that includes behavior that is mainly harmful to the person who engages in it (Problematic Sexual Behavior) as well as that which is harmful to others, to any extent. It includes Abusive Sexual Behavior, which includes elements of an imbalance of power, coercion or manipulation, and a lack of consent or ability to consent. ​
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Incest: Sexual activity between members of the same family, including genetic relatives, step-relatives, or legal relatives. The meaning of the term “incest” has evolved over time, and there is no universal legal or common definition.
Intrafamilial Child Sexual Abuse (IFCSA) is a newer term. It covers the vast majority of instances of incest, that in which a child is sexually violated by an older or more powerful family member.
Some US states have a legal definition of incest that may or may not include penetration. Sibling sexual abuse is estimated to be at least as common, and at least as harmful, as parent-child sexual abuse. Historically, sibling incest has often been portrayed as consensual. But the voices of brave survivors have proven that it rarely is. Sibling relationships include differences in age, size and/or ability, desire for approval, and status within the family. These lead to an element of coercion, even when it is subtle or implied or not even recognized by the child who was traumatized. (Source: Sibling Sexual Abuse Project, UK)
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Sexual Assault: A broad term encompassing any sexual contact or behavior that happens without consent.
Rape: Sexual assault that includes penetration (vaginal, oral, or anal, using any body part or object) of an individual who does not consent, or is unable to give consent due to age or mental state. Rape may or may not include violence or threat of physical violence. (Source: RAINN)
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Rape is a type of sexual assault, but sexual assault is not necessarily rape. Non-rape sexual assault may involve touching under or over clothing, kissing, rubbing, etc. Legal statutes vary in their language and definitions; for example, in some areas, "first degree sexual assault" is defined as including penetration, which would be commonly called "rape." More than half of all sexual assaults reported to law enforcement have victims age 17 or less. (Source: Indiana Center for Prevention of Youth Abuse and Suicide)​
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Pedophile: An adult who is sexually attracted to prepubescent children
The term pedophilia refers to sexual attraction, not sexual activity. Some pedophiles have committed sexual offenses against children but some have not. Many other adults who sexually abuse teens or children are not pedophiles–rather, they choose child victims for reasons of convenience or power. The vast majority of children and teens who engage in harmful sexual behavior with younger children will not be sexually attracted to children when they become adults. (Source: Stop It Now! US)
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Sex Offender: An individual who has been convicted of a sexual offense and is required to register publicly and/or with law enforcement.
A huge range of offenses require registering as a sex offender. This includes offenses committed against adults or children, and committed online or by personal contact. In the US, a complex web of state and federal laws has led to a confusing registry that has not been shown to be effective overall at preventing child sexual abuse. The vast majority of child sexual abuse is committed by people with no prior convictions and who are known to the child. (For more information, see our Sex Offender Registry page.)
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Siblings (as used on this website): Two or more people of any gender who share at least one biological and/or legal parent, and/or who were raised as a children in the same home for a significant period of time.
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This site does not focus on instances of sexual activity between cousins, fictive kin, or close family friends who did not live together. However, those who are dealing with the effects of harmful sexual behavior by any child or teen are welcome to browse for information that they find relevant or helpful.
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Trauma (Psychological): A deep and lasting emotional reaction to a terrible event or experience
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Psychological trauma that is a result of intrafamilial child sexual abuse is especially complex, persistent, and severe. It is actually quite common, despite being less recognized publically than trauma arising from war, violence, or disaster. (See our page on PTSD)
Additional Resources
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​Darkness to Light: Child Sexual Abuse Statistics
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IncestAware: an alliance sharing support, education, and advocacy to bring awareness and prevention of all types of incest
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Siblings Too Podcast: Breaking the Silence that is Keeping Sibling Sexual Abuse Quiet with Fleur Strong. Project Manager, RCEW National Project on Sibling Sexual Abuse
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Guest Blog, Defend Young Minds: SST: 7 Myths that Endanger Children & Disempower Parents
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The Economist, featuring Lucy Faithfull: Paedophilia: Shedding Light on the Dark Field
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PedoHelp International: Self-Management Tool & Listing of Worldwide Support for those who are sexually interested in children and who need help to avoid causing harm
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Irish Times: Is introducing more punitive measures the only way to deal with sex offenders?
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Dear Stop It Now! Webinar: Is My Child a Pedophile? (1 hour 12 minutes)
SSA Survivor Alice Perle reads from her memoir, Resolve
Chapter 2: Demystifying Sibling Sexual Abuse (41 min.)