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Trauma & Memory

Repressing the memory was a survival strategy...
It allowed me to function in spite of an incomprehensible act.
It allowed me to live under the same roof as someone
who had violated my body--and my trust.
Maria Socolof, from The Invisible Key: Unlocking the Mystery of My Chronic Pain

Although some people's memories of sexual exploitation are very clear, others may be fuzzy or confusing. Some people have no conscious memory at all, for years or even decades. Here are a few factors that influence memories of sexual abuse in childhood. 

Time Delay 

Harmful or abusive sexual activity is seldom reported soon after it happens. More often than not, years or even decades pass before the survivor speaks of it to anyone else.

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Age 

For most people, memories from early childhood are not recalled in detail. Since a sibling's sexually abusive behavior often starts when the victim is quite young, memories might be vague. If a child does not have the words or concepts to understand what is happening to them, the memories may be literally indescribable and may seem confused or unclear. People who were sexually abused at an early age are also more likely to have a loss of any conscious memory of this traumatic experience. Briere & Conte 1993

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Trauma 

People of all ages remember traumatic events in a different way than other life experiences or learning. Memories of trauma tend to be:

  • Detached The memory may emerge in ”snapshots” rather than “movies.”

  • Sensory-based The sounds, smells and touch of the experience loom large, as well as bodily sensations such as nausea, sweaty palms, and even thoughts that entered the mind as it was happening.

  • Random Some seemingly irrelevant details may be remembered, even if the person cannot remember more basic information. For example, someone may remember what they had to eat just before an episode of abuse, but not where they were at the time.

  • Fragmented Large parts of the memory may be absent, while other parts are remembered in vivid detail.

  • Recalled by sensory triggers or later understanding Memories that have been hidden from conscious memory may suddenly emerge in the context of a similar sensory sensation--hearing the sound of a similar door closing, a smell, a touch that feels the same. Memories may also be recalled when the ability to understand and code them emerges--for example, in a dream, or when they see a movie depicting sexual activity.

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Dissociation 

Sexual trauma is so overwhelming, and children are so powerless to escape physically, that many children survive by escaping mentally. Dissociation is a powerful coping mechanism, but it sometimes causes dissociative amnesia (also known as delayed recall or recovered memory). A common response to trauma is for memories to be hidden away in a subconscious part of the brain for a long period of time, sometimes for years or even decades. It is extremely rare for an individual to recall sexual abuse that never happened.

Believe Victims & Survivors

 

Sometimes the story that the survivor is telling doesn’t add up 100%. Times and places may not match, for example. This happens often for memories of traumatic events, especially childhood sexual abuse. It does not mean the abuse did not take place, or that the survivor is lying. It does not mean the survivor is crazy. Their own memories may be fuzzy and details may emerge over time, especially when the survivor begins to tell their story and/or goes through the therapy process. This is true whether the survivor is still a child or is now an adult. 

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Myth: A victim who has been sexually assaulted will remember events consistently

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[This myth] implies the victim is not telling the truth and invalidates the experience of the victim. It also fails to take account of how children and young people do not have the same standards of logic, understanding and consistency as adults do. They will not have the same experience of life as adults and are less sophisticated in their understanding of what has happened. A child may not fully understand the significance of activity which is sexual and this may be reflected in how they remember or describe it. A child is very likely to have a different perception of time to that of an adult. Also the process by which memories are laid down during a traumatic event may impact on issues such as consistency. A child's memory can fade and their recall of when and in what order events took place may not be accurate. A child may not be able to speak of the context in which the events took place, and this may include having particular difficulty with conceptual questions as to how they felt some time ago, or why they did or did not take a particular course of action.

---Code for Crown Prosecutors, Appendix C (a guide for court proceedings in the UK)

#TrueMemories Campaign

 

5Waves, in collaboration with Incestaware, Mary Knight Productions, and others, launched this opportunity for advocacy and solidarity with sexual abuse and assault survivors who have experienced dissociative amnesia or delayed recall. 

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Listen to the accounts of real people, in their own words, who have added their testimonies to the campaign. 

View the True Memory Campaign Video Playlist Here

Watch below: SSA Survivor Nubia DuVall Wilson

Additional Resources

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