This blog by 5WAVES cofounder Maria Socolof is re-posted with permission from her website, healingfromchronicpain.com. The site contains a wealth of information for those whose trauma has led to physical ailments or chronic pain.
When I’m in therapy, my shoulder often twitches. We’ve identified the twitch as Little Me—ten-year-old me, traumatized me, neck-pain-causing me.
When I’m in therapy, and sometimes not, my Blanking Part takes over, and I suddenly can’t remember what we were talking about.
Adult Me is always present but sometimes is overtaken by the other parts. They apparently need to be heard.
Let’s have a look . . .
Shoulder’s twitching, I start feeling nauseous. Little Me (LM) says that what happened to her disgusts her. (As an aside, I couldn’t think of the word “disgust” for three minutes as I was writing this, thank you, Blanking Part.)
Therapist asks if I can let go of the disgust and the sick feeling in my stomach.
LM isn’t sure.
Therapist asks: “Why not?”
LM answers: “Then no one will know how bad it was.”
Adult Me starts chanting: “Let it go.”
I soon realize I don’t remember what I’m supposed to let go of. Thank you very much, Blanking Part.
Therapist reminds me: “Let go of the disgust.”
In swoops Minimizing Part: “I have no right to be this disgusted. It wasn’t that bad.”
LM is stymied from letting go, because it wasn’t that bad, as Minimizing Part has asserted.
Shoulder twitches because LM is no longer heard. She speaks in the only way she knows how. Twitching for attention.
And so the vicious cycle continues.