Reflection: When silence becomes an answer

When sibling sexual trauma or abuse (SSTA) becomes known, it is all too common that extended family members do not come out in support of the sibling who was harmed, whether they are still a child or now an adult. This reflection, from a parent of SSTA, illustrates the yearning for family support, and the devastating choices that the author took to support her daughter when that support was lacking.

Looking back, I no longer see our family’s silence as uncertainty.

At the time, I waited for understanding. I believed that once people grasped the reality of what my daughter had endured, they would instinctively move toward her, placing her safety above everything else.

That is not what happened.

Silence is often mistaken for neutrality. It isn’t. Silence has direction. It leaves the injured person standing alone while everyone else quietly steps back.

I came to understand that our paths had diverged. Some people held onto hope that time, forgiveness, or reconciliation would restore what had been lost. I hoped for something entirely different.

I hoped for safety.

Those hopes could never occupy the same space.

Looking back, I no longer see the silence as confusion. I see it as clarity. It revealed who could bear the truth of what had happened—and who could not.

That realization was painful, but it was also freeing. From that point forward, I stopped looking for validation from those who could not see what was right in front of them. My responsibility was no longer to persuade others.

It was to protect my daughter.